My resolutions this year will be the toughest ones I've ever done. Well at least 2 of them. I've never stuck to resolutions. I'm like the rest of the majority of people who make resolutions and never stick to them. That's me. Never sticking to them longer than a week, maybe month at best. But my resolutions for this year need to be kept. In order for my sanity, my relationship with my child, and my overall mental health, I need to keep them.
The first of 3. The least important of the 3, but one I want to keep. This one is for my physical health.
1. Be more active. Go to jazzercise 3 times a week while we have the 2 months free. After that, go for a walk/jog 3 times a week and do other more active things. Be a healthy example for my kids.
The second if 3. This one ties into the next one and is almost tied for the most important of the 3, but is just shy of being #1 important.
2. Don't react negatively. Breathe. No one can make me feel upset about something. I'm the one who is responsible for letting it bother me. If I get pissed and react, it's because I allow that to happen. Breathe. Count to 10, maybe 20......30? However long it takes to calm down and not react.
The last of the 3 and the most important for the year.
3. Be a better mom and like my daughter again. I have let my teenagers attitude and behavior affect me more than I should. I have not been a good mom to her. In fact, I have been horrible and have failed this last year in being her mom. I have reacted and I'm ashamed of how I've treated her at times. Even when she misbehave or disrespects, it's my choice in how I react. I need to be a better example of how to act and treat people. Our relationship is failing and it's almost to a point where it can't be fixed. I'm hoping we haven't already gotten to that point. I'm hopeful......
Day 1. I haven't yelled. In fact, I have done the complete opposite. Several times I was upset with something and I didn't get snotty or yell. I just shut down. Probably not the best reaction either, but for me today, it was better than reacting in an argument or with loudness. DH dismissed my conversation several times today. Spoke over me as if what I was saying wasn't important enough to allow me to finish. It hurt. It always hurts and it happens often. I don't feel like my thoughts or contributions to conversations are as important as his so when he jumps in and talks over me, I just shut down and let him finish. If I bring it up to him, he turns it around on me and says I do it too. I hate that. If I'm telling you that something is bothering me, listen . Don't get defensive and turn it back on me. I'm important too but most of the time feel the opposite. The teen was pretty good most of the day. She played with her brother and sisters pretty well all day. When we were driving back home to KS from NE, she got in trouble for doing something she wasn't suppose to be doing so the attitude came out. I didn't tell. Actually I was very please with myself. I just repeated my request over and over in the same tone until she did it. I didn't say anything more. I'm tired of asking the stupid question of "why are you acting this way or doing that" and have her response be because I want to. So I'm not asking it anymore. I'm keeping everything simple requests when she acts like that. I won't allow her to get the satisfaction of my negative reaction. That's what she wants but she won't get it..I'll breathe and count and be calm. I did it today. I succeeded in that.
Let's see what tomorrow brings.
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