Warning: Long rant ahead.......
I got pregnant with my daughter when I was 19 years old. I was one of the many girls out there that thought it was okay to be rebellious. I will admit, I thought he was pretty cool. He was 9 years older than me and he could by beer, but I knew I wouldn't ever end up with him forever, because he was a floater and let's face it, a loser. He floated through life, living from one couch to another. Mooching off of anyone who would let him. Never once having his own place to call home. But, that didn't stop me from having a little fun for awhile, though. And we did have fun. Until I found out I was pregnant. He showed me how much of a loser he really was when he told me to get rid of it and then left me, alone and pregnant. I was so scared of what was next. I was going to be a mom. Or was I? Was I going to "end" it like he wanted me to? Was I going to go through with the pregnancy and put it up for adoption for a better family to raise it? Or was I going to grow up, take responsibility for my actions and be the mother to a beautiful baby? I chose the latter. And every day, I thank God that I did. No matter how many times a day my daughter frustrates me and tests my patience, I love her with all of my heart and I KNOW, I would not change things for anything in the world. And with that being said, I just can't fathom how parents can just abandon their children. I don't know how you can sleep at night, knowing that your child is somewhere and you don't know a thing about her. Being a mom or a dad means a lot more than just making a child. It means being there when they are sick or hurt or sad or happy or just plain naughty. It means putting things on hold if your children need you to. It means tucking your children in at night or asking them how their day at school was. It means watching them take their first steps or riding their bikes for the first time or putting on a band aid when they fall off the swing set. Just because you were half of the creation of that beautiful child, doesn't give you right to be called Dad. It doesn't earn you rights to be loved by that child. A child knows who their parents are, whether they are biological or adoptive. They choose what they call you. They choose if they love you or if they consider you a loser, like you really are. If I was the one who didn't have custody or just had visitation, then I would be calling all the time to talk to me baby. I would be looking for every opportunity to know everything about my child and to be with them as often as I could.
My daughter turned 9 in May. Her bio dad didn't even call to wish her a happy birthday. She waited, but then realized that he forgot. The thing is, she is so used to him not being around, she didn't really care. But it never used to be like that. From the time that she was a baby, he wanted to be a part of her life. Or so he said. But honestly, I think it was only because he had to pay child support and he figured that if he was going to pay, then he should have the right to see her. So I thought it would be good for her to know her father. For years, I was the one calling him and trying to get him to be a part of her life. I could count on 2 hands how many times he has called saying he wants to see her. I was always the one making the effort. There was this one time, I believe she was 4, he had asked for her for the weekend. He wanted to take Rylen and his other daughter (who is a little younger than Rylen) to Sesame Street Live. He talked to her about it for weeks when I would call. She was soooo excited. So I get her ready, packed up, and I drive her over there. We get to his place and he answers the door. Before he even invites us in, he says that he will have to cancel the weekend with Rylen because he only got 3 tickets, one for him, one for his girlfriend and one for his other daughter. He said he would definately bring her back a souvenir. I have NEVER seen just a sad and disappointed little girl before. She bawled and bawled and bawled the entire car ride home. I had to try to explain to her that it wasn't that daddy didn't love her, it was just that he only had enough money to buy 3 tickets instead of 4. When in reality, he completely forgot about her and instead of leaving girlfriend at home and taking both of his kids, he chose to be the asshole that brings a 4 year old little girl to tears. I don't think that he has ever loved her. I think he only wants her to call him dad because of his pride. What man wants people to know that his own flesh and blood, doesn't consider him dad. He has gone months and months without seeing her or talking to her. He actually went a year and a half once without contacting her. I just wish that I could send him the papers to have him sign over his rights. That way he wouldn't be a part of her life and my husband, whom she knows as daddy, can adopt her. I just wish that he wouldn't have turned out to be such a loser so my daughter doesn't have to feel like it's her fault that her other father only wants to know her sister but not her. What kind of man can even call himself a man when he treats a child like that. He's missing out though. He's missing out knowing such a bright, sweet, beautiful little girl who is going to grow up so strong and brave. She is going to grow up knowing not to fall for any guys that even resembles her bio dad.
At least he did teach her one lesson in life, if they look like losers in the beginning, then they will be losers until the end.
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